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My feelings

I'm officially broke..

Friday, 2 March 2007

Today is March

It is the end of February and it is March again. Time flies. My final year of studies will be ending in around 3 months time. And today, I'm sitting here typing this blog, in my room, with curtains closed as tight as possible as the window can't prevent the coldness from coming in, a strategy book in front of me, wishing to continue my dissertation as soon as possible, hungry, and, moody.

This is my current feeling now. But throughout the day, I don't feel any mood at all.. I'll have to meet tutor again tomorrow and I promised him I'll do something on my dissertation to let him have a look, but until now, it's still the same progress. Seems like I don't have a choice tonight but to finish as much as possible after my dinner, and hope that I won't be sleepy tonight.

But why am I moody? Well, I think it all started this morning when parents called me. I don't know I should feel happy or sad or disappointed or what to feel, but everytime when we chat about that particular topic, I'll start getting moody. What topic? My next step after graduating. Things are always not what I want to be. I know I can't predict the future, but I really wish to do what I really like. But I think, I can't do what I want until I succeed in my carrier. When will it be? i don't know. Why am I here studying now? I don't know either. The next step after graduating isgo look for a job. Graduate job. But, is looking for a graduate job here so easy? I still don't know how my results are gonna be. As a foreigner, getting a job here is not easy, as there is something called work permit. We have to be very good in presenting ourselves in the job market and of course with good results as well. London or Edinburgh, this 2 places are probably my next destination, but I prefer Edinburgh as London is too too busy for me. Unfortunately, probability of going to London will be higher. Seems like I don't have a choice again. Throughout my life, I can't choose what I want for my life. I can only follow what's good for me. Is it that what I really want is not good for my future? maybe not as expected, but life will be happier. Again, but, that's life, reality. Coming to Sunderland is not a reality actually, just that I keep asking to come here. Now I'm thinking that I shouldn't have come here. Sometimes I really feel regret of coming here, but, if I don't come here, my life will be different again. How different? don't know. why I can think of coming here at the first step? because I envy. Again, I envy others. I know that's not very good for myself, but, that's me. Many friends of mine are going overseas to continue their studies, even those from middle lower income family. So I decided to come here. Now, I'm in debt. I have to clear all debts for my studies after I graduated. I know I shouldn't post here telling that I'm in debt, but, that's reality.

But thinking on bright side, I'm really having fun here. I'm glad that I met the friends I met here. We call it, family. even though we're from different places, we do the same activities together, we share food, we share our lives, we play together, we enjoy together, we shop together, we go holiday together, we party together, we celebrate everyone's birthday, we help each other in many things, we share our sadness, sorrows, problems, we care for each others, even though sometimes there are some arguments or misunderstading, but that's life. Other than that, I experienced winter here, I experience university life, I experience living in the UK, I visited London, I visited Newcastle, I visited Dublin and maybe more to come, I even experienced clubbing, I experienced church here, I see snow, even though not much this time, I experienced working part time here, even though is short. This is the bright side of me coming here... and I'm gonna miss my life here in Sunderland now after I graduate. I'll miss them... Alvin, Lily, Jacquelyn, Nicholas, Alison, Cathy, Jeannie, Vincent, Adrian, Martin, Chloe, Maple, and so so many more... They are my friends for life. I never experienced relationship so close to friends until I'm here. I really enjoyed it and appreciate all of them for being there for me. Giving me guidance, listen to me complain, play games throughout the night without sleeping, looking at some of them grow more mature... this few months will be my best life during the teens... Facing reality, I'm having fun here!

Should I still be moody now? Nope.. Can I continue my work now? Yup.. but after shower and dinner, then full speed ahead. Thanks to all of you who keep supporting me all the times here in Sunderland.


Angel Valerie said...

Jeremy Tay... as always, u'll comment that i think too much, i worry too much n stuffs like that.

since today, the connection at my uni is quite 'good' and im able to log into ur blog, i'll leave few comments here.

life is not about worrying what u are doing or what u'll be doing. we've just got to accept what that is to come because i certainly believe that God arranges everything for us because He loves us.

how many of us, attending universities, are not in debt? even i myself, am in debt with the government for 15 years and also my family. well, my debt might not be as much as urs... it's still there and it will continue to exist as long as i havent settle it.

at least, u meet the greatest friends of ur lifetime there. friends come and go in our lives. either u leave trace in their memories or the memory of u will vanish. im sure u've left wonderful traces in their lives n not forgetting, u've left traces in MY life too n for sure, i'm not going to forget i've such a wonderful person like u, coming into my life.

i know, im being sentimental here. i just want to cheer u up since i havent been talking to u like... in ages already. sorry.

haih... worried about the stuffs that happened between Vince n i...

anyway, pray for me!

Anonymous said...

hmmn..same thing..
plan changing coll but tarc offers summer program to uk.
plan to work in uk..but if i changed to olympia coll..i gonna get local deg since it offers one..
ah...headache..wan go uk moh!!
now looking for sch who link to uk for degree...tarc x hv deg..only adv then go uk for deg..
hey btw..if free read the book " the purpose driven life" by rick warren la..good for u..and ur soul. ;)
and one thing..we all hav frens..but some ppl like me, are oweyz the "guest of their life". we met at one point, giv each other joy and grew together, and fall apart...maybe..someday, my frens and i gonna met each other at another crossroads..who knows?
God may have other purpose for u, try to believe that.

Jeremy Tay said...

Thanks for all your supports peeps... It's nice having u ppl as my frens as well back in de days.. hehe.. hope I can meet u guys soon as possible.. pray for that ya.. and Gloria, there are many colleges which got link to UK uni. So, do take a look around if u really wanted a UK degree. or maybe come here as well?? :p so i can meet you.. hohohoh....