Today is March

It is the end of February and it is March again. Time flies. My final year of studies will be ending in around 3 months time. And today, I'm sitting here typing this blog, in my room, with curtains closed as tight as possible as the window can't prevent the coldness from coming in, a strategy book in front of me, wishing to continue my dissertation as soon as possible, hungry, and, moody.

This is my current feeling now. But throughout the day, I don't feel any mood at all.. I'll have to meet tutor again tomorrow and I promised him I'll do something on my dissertation to let him have a look, but until now, it's still the same progress. Seems like I don't have a choice tonight but to finish as much as possible after my dinner, and hope that I won't be sleepy tonight.

But why am I moody? Well, I think it all started this morning when parents called me. I don't know I should feel happy or sad or disappointed or what to feel, but everytime when we chat about that particular topic, I'll start getting moody. What topic? My next step after graduating. Things are always not what I want to be. I know I can't predict the future, but I really wish to do what I really like. But I think, I can't do what I want until I succeed in my carrier. When will it be? i don't know. Why am I here studying now? I don't know either. The next step after graduating isgo look for a job. Graduate job. But, is looking for a graduate job here so easy? I still don't know how my results are gonna be. As a foreigner, getting a job here is not easy, as there is something called work permit. We have to be very good in presenting ourselves in the job market and of course with good results as well. London or Edinburgh, this 2 places are probably my next destination, but I prefer Edinburgh as London is too too busy for me. Unfortunately, probability of going to London will be higher. Seems like I don't have a choice again. Throughout my life, I can't choose what I want for my life. I can only follow what's good for me. Is it that what I really want is not good for my future? maybe not as expected, but life will be happier. Again, but, that's life, reality. Coming to Sunderland is not a reality actually, just that I keep asking to come here. Now I'm thinking that I shouldn't have come here. Sometimes I really feel regret of coming here, but, if I don't come here, my life will be different again. How different? don't know. why I can think of coming here at the first step? because I envy. Again, I envy others. I know that's not very good for myself, but, that's me. Many friends of mine are going overseas to continue their studies, even those from middle lower income family. So I decided to come here. Now, I'm in debt. I have to clear all debts for my studies after I graduated. I know I shouldn't post here telling that I'm in debt, but, that's reality.

But thinking on bright side, I'm really having fun here. I'm glad that I met the friends I met here. We call it, family. even though we're from different places, we do the same activities together, we share food, we share our lives, we play together, we enjoy together, we shop together, we go holiday together, we party together, we celebrate everyone's birthday, we help each other in many things, we share our sadness, sorrows, problems, we care for each others, even though sometimes there are some arguments or misunderstading, but that's life. Other than that, I experienced winter here, I experience university life, I experience living in the UK, I visited London, I visited Newcastle, I visited Dublin and maybe more to come, I even experienced clubbing, I experienced church here, I see snow, even though not much this time, I experienced working part time here, even though is short. This is the bright side of me coming here... and I'm gonna miss my life here in Sunderland now after I graduate. I'll miss them... Alvin, Lily, Jacquelyn, Nicholas, Alison, Cathy, Jeannie, Vincent, Adrian, Martin, Chloe, Maple, and so so many more... They are my friends for life. I never experienced relationship so close to friends until I'm here. I really enjoyed it and appreciate all of them for being there for me. Giving me guidance, listen to me complain, play games throughout the night without sleeping, looking at some of them grow more mature... this few months will be my best life during the teens... Facing reality, I'm having fun here!

Should I still be moody now? Nope.. Can I continue my work now? Yup.. but after shower and dinner, then full speed ahead. Thanks to all of you who keep supporting me all the times here in Sunderland.