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My feelings

I'm officially broke..

Thursday, 8 May 2008

I am extremely lonely

It's not a joke, it's not just a temporary feeling. I feel like this most of the time. I felt more lonely before shower just now as I watched an episode of Scrubs on E4. JD is so lonely that only him who doesn't have a girlfriend while other colleagues do have a partner but they screwed up their relationship. He was so furious that he scold everyone and ran out. Scrubs is meant to be a comedy but this episode really don't make me laugh. In the end of the episode, he said that no matter how many people around you everyday but you still feel lonely, that is the worst thing.

I feel it totally. Especially in this "World's Greatest City to Live In". I feel the loneliness growing in me as days passed by even though my relation with colleagues grow more closer. In fact nearly every of my colleagues are married or at least having a partner. When I go to the park, or just a simple walk around, I realized that I am the only one walking by myself most of the time. For the past weekends, I went out all by myself with my camera, to bring my readers great spring in London. Actually I am just so lonely, depressed and bored that I really need something for me to do, enjoy and cheer myself up. Some people might ask me to go clubbing for some socialization, but that's not me at all going to the clubs alone and start talking to anonymous people and start boozing like the rest and in the end get drunk. I tell you what, I talk to anonymous customers every single day at my work. I talk to my colleagues every single day at work. But I still feel extremely lonely.

The lady who lives next room haven't sleep as well. She's Burmese. Recent cyclone had made her worried about her family back in Burma. I totally feel her but I can't do anything. Sleepless night again for her... how about me tonight? Am I going to sleep well?

As loneliness grows within me... I am still waiting for her. Does she know that?

I am extremely lonely.


Angel Valerie said...

i always screw things up no matter how hard i tried and i totally gave up already now. dont feel down, just smile and face the world each day!

u might be lonely but dont forget u still have wonderful family and friends around you. just like a malay saying that goes, "jauh di mata, dekat di hati."

i miss u, J - a lot!

Jeremy said...

lonely... n today pissed off... what's wrong with my life... getting manipulated by others who squeeze everything from you while u got no power, chance or whatsoever to express anything at all...

MyviKiller said...

There is a Taoist saying: "Be thankful to those who have manipulated you". Well I wouldn't be thankful of that but the experience is priceless - you'll become a better/wiser man. You may feel rebellious but does it really help you in terms of career move? I wouldn't have done that if I were you. But like I have mentioned before, the experience is PRICELESS! Treat it as lesson learnt and be your own boss when you are successful.

Being lonely is an "essential" part of our life sometimes, it makes us more independent and stronger. But what makes me wondering is that if you can express your feelings here then why not try interact with your Burmese flatmate since she is depressed as well?

I'm not lecturing you but this is just a friendly blogger's advise. Chillax!

Jeremy said...

I get ur point.. but i'm quitting my job in 2 weeks time. gonna type resign letter and hand in tmr straight into his face. that's too much. everyone who heard what he did to us closing shift is shaking their head n feel pity for us. even team leaders are pissed off by him. so what do you think? hehe...

Well, i agree that loneliness makes us stronger... but, on the other hand, it hurts. I am independent though... since the start... hehe.. or else I think i fly home dy..

About the Burmese flatmate... she's so depress that she doesn't feel like talking... so...

anyway, thanks for the advice and point of view... hehe.. it's good to have feedbacks.

Jeremy said...

Another thing. I'm sure you'll be pissed off when he treats u like a dog using his fingers to 'lure' you over when talking to you, when he's treating you like his slave. He's MAD. Totally. He thinks that we are lowly dogs that barks when he ask us to do what he ask. Hell yea!! This is not my bloody job!! I'm an accounting graduate!!! Not ur dog or slave!!

In short, I am now more wise to handle this kind of people. If I am not aggressive, I will be manipulated. Today he doesn't dare to speak to me at all nor using his fingers to ask me do anything after yesterday's fiasco. I am not going to do anything he ask me to do if it is out of my job description.

He has no manners at all. RUDE. No Appreciation. Always blames us for anything wrong. Has no respect for employees. HATE and DISGUSTED are my feelings towards him. I am not respecting him as my manager at all, even though he is so passionate about his bloody job.

MyviKiller said...

Well, I think it's better to resign now, better late than never... But have you found the the replacement for your current job? I think you must have found it, otherwise you wouldn't be resigning so quickly.

Jeremy said...

hehe... found it... gonna hand in resignation letter on Monday I guess...