David Archuleta - To be With You

Specially dedicating this beautiful song to my precious princess...



I'm missing you here..

Current Feelings.....

I guess it's going to be emo post again this one?

I don't feel happy now... disappointing... but this time i'm not gonna say why. Don't really wanna expose what I'm doing that made myself so disappointed. I hope I won't ended up like this for the rest of my life.

and I'm still not recovering from flu after 3 weeks.

I better go sleep.....

:(

Worst Bank Experience Ever!

Yeah right.... We'll help you get there... in "no time"...

From KitKat's blog, I saw his complaints about this bank. Last weekend, I heard complaints about their car loan services from a friend... today it's my turn to complain... DAMN!!

Well, I got myself a job, and the company requires me to open a bank account at that bloody bank. Well, I'll try to explain.

From my office to the nearest branch, journey is around 20 minutes by using 2 wheels, due to traffic, cars will consume more time to reach the destination. My lunch break is 1 hour 30 minutes. That seems really long as some offices only have 1 hour lunch break.

So I took my motorbike and went to the petrol station for refill, adding traffic and such, with exhaustion due to concentrating on the road, and going to another bank to get my deposit to open the new account, I reached my destination at around 12.30pm. I walked into the bank, the security old man gave me a number to queue up, but due to that there's not many people I felt quite lucky. Until I saw the wall which states that opening bank account doesn't need any numbers and just queue up at counter 1 and 2, well, including Fixed Deposit services. I was thinking, well, I;ll have a try, but the lady at other counter said I need to go there to queue... O___O" I saw 2 person queuing up and 1 lady standing at the counter quite long already. I rushed towards the queue... but it was too late... another lady suddenly appear in front of me... so there's 3 person in front of me... and 2 counters, there's only 1 open. That doesn't really piss me off until I knew that they need the MYKad reader to open the bloody account!! and there's only 1 at counter 1!!! What for setting up 2 counters with 1 person working and only 1 card reader!!! It took ages for the people in front of me to settle their stuff... I waited for 40 minutes for my turn... and took like nearly 10 minutes to finish everything. The time is 1.20pm and there's only 10 minutes left. There goes my lunch break... but I didn't care and went for lunch before "flying" my motorbike through heavy traffic at around nearly 1.30pm. I reached there 10 minutes later.... half the time I use to reach the bank cutting everything else out.

For me... I was more lucky than KitKat as he doesn't get his card on the day while I got mine on spot! but damn... totally poor service... Banks should set up sufficient counters for customers to open account!! It's their bloody business and they should be happy that there are people coming to open up account in their bloody bank!! Instead they only have 2 counters and using some extra process time due to slow card readers and lack of card readers.

RHB Bank sucks!! Rotten Hole Bank...

Too Busy - Too Short - Too Early

I just realized that blogging is not in my "must do" list anymore nowadays and it gets worse and worse. I can see that my post is accumulating, and is getting less and less each month.

It had been a roller-coaster in my life for the past weeks which I didn't write anything here. I still had loads to write about what I saw in this fabulous city, but I just can't get into the mood of preparing the pictures and share with everyone. I am also aware that there are not many people left who still access to my blog, even the usual ones. Even me, myself, doesn't really read others' blogs as I don't really have time for it. Well, maybe just 2 which are related to cars, that's all I do everyday.

My new job is continuing to kill me. It is so bad that I just feel dead everyday when I arrive home. It's too much to explain about the job, but then. I quit again, today. Actually not today officially as I am starting to play with the manager by calling sick for the next few days. I am still in probation period and I already fed up with the whole thing! Sick and tired totally.

It's reaching the end of 6th August 2008, 1 day to the Olympics. Just feel like writing something here. I don't really know what am I thinking now, what am I doing now, how do I feel. Totally complicated feeling. I am leaving this flat in 9 days time, which means I am leaving London for good. Made decision in such a short time. Then from 15th August, around 2 weeks time, I'll be on MH1, seat 47F. I really don't know what am I going to expect after landing, what am I going to expect in the next chapter of my life, what am I going to be anytime soon, when will I come back to this greatest city in the world to stay. What had God prepare for me? How am I going to cope after leaving all the advance technologies and facilities behind which are only to be found here?

It's gonna be more busy from tomorrow. Planning. Packing. 21 days to go. I can't believe it, but I don't really have a choice. It's too early to go, but, life decision.

Happy Birthday?? :/

I can't believe I'll be turning 23 in the next 10 days. This month is absolutely disastrous. Everything went wrong, so tired of working here... surprisingly... and my mood is really swinging because of everything.

I thought I would be better after changing my job as job description stated during my interview is only sorting out stores, helping 3 food sections to sort out their fridges so to make sure they have everything they need and after 12pm I'll be staying at the tills to help out. I am now doing everything that they ask me to do, more than I should be doing. It is not because that I am not flexible, just that all those tasks they ask is not in my working time period and description!! That means I am not PAID for that!! And I am always doing the wrong tasks at the wrong time because of them!! My timetable is crazy as well!! sometimes 11hours a day sometimes 6hours a day!!?!? Supervisor is crazy... manager is sometimes crazy.... WTF!! nuff said! I'm going nuts!!

Another thing, last night, I found out that the letters I kept in my room for that old lady who used to live in our flat are all gone!! She still have the bloody keys of our flat but she denied coming to get the letters!! It's not magic!! I searched the whole flat and I couldn't find it! If it's not her then who? She keep delaying to pay the bills remaining, keep saying that we kept her deposit for no reason but actually she moved out before contract ends, keep delaying in returning the keys, now came into my room for those letters... WTF!!

Again another thing! I have no money this month!!! As I change my job, I lost my weekly pay, so I need to wait until this end of month to get paid before I can do anything. Now I am living by basic food which consist of instant noodles and spaghetti with some veggies and a little meat. 2 weeks already eating like that!! I wanna PUKE!! I am even starting to buy bus pass from today. Taking a bus to go to work will need 1 hour while coming back from work using same route needs 1 hour 30 minutes at least due to traffic. Anyway, price of weekly bus pass is £13 while Travelcard which can be used on tube is £24.20.

Enough of all this external stuff, now my own inner stuff. If I really have somebody around me... eg. friends, partner etc to share my loneliness that is filled in me since long time... I think I will feel better. This month I felt more again. Am I too sensitive?

Enough complaining. I am too tired already. Never had enough sleep since I start this job. I am moody, tired, head spinning, start scolding people for minor reasons, getting frustrated for everything, stomach cramp, getting nervous easily... SHIT!!!!!

Happy birthday to me? see what's going to happen in the next 10 days.

I need a break.... seriously...

I QUIT!!!

Having disgusted by the way my shop's manager treats us. I made my decision!!

I QUIT!!!!!

Today the General Manager pissed off closing shift!! Even Team Leader!!! He's totally stupid!!! For God's Sake!!! Treating us like Superman or Power Rangers with super strength and speed!!! He totally has no idea of anything that we do. Asking us to bring 2 tables and 4 chairs from the other shop at a distance of 5 minutes walk. Tell you what!! The tables are more than 20kgs each and chairs are at least 5kgs each!! Telling that we can do it in 5 minutes!!! Is he STUPID??!???!? and the kitchen manager just dumped all her work which she started and ask us to clean up all her bloody mess then she just left!!! It took over an hour extra to close the kitchen.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!

I am going to write my resign letter later giving bloody 2 weeks notice (2 weeks!!!) and tomorrow morning I am gonna go to the shop just to stick my letter into the assistant manager's throat!! He didn't talk to me whole day today, not even asking me to make his coffee. Not even look at me at all. Now he knows. He wanna say that my attitude is bad. Look at yourself. Talking with fingers, treating employees like dogs. Being a manager, the first 2 things you need to do are RESPECT your employees and secondly, APPRECIATE!! not pulling employees nose here and there!!

I QUIT!!!

I am rebellious

Yes, I am a rebellious person. I have a rebellious character. It's not the first time I act like that. I just hate when people force me to do something, shout at me to do something which I know of what my decision is. I hate it when the manager treats us like dogs or machines, or just slaves, doing whatever they like to us until we are out of breath for their own pocket. I hate even more when the managers manipulate us but didn't show any appreciation for our work towards their pocket.

Recently, the business went better, we are all tired, I feel that I, as lowly team member, still get the same pay like we do a bit less job, is unfair. We get no appreciation, not even a sincere thank you from the manager. Out of 4 managers, I can only feel the sincere of the Delivery Manager, Dan, the only English working in our shop. I will serve him more than any managers, even if he ask me to run as fast as possible for deliveries like there is no tomorrow. I know I am gonna be loyal to him as he knows the meaning of appreciation.

The Ops manager, is a jerk. manipulating us like what I said before. Yet, adding more pressure and workload for the closing shift, me and other 2 colleagues. I once heard him saying to the kitchen leader, "I give you XXX (any colleagues), please make the most of him/her in the kitchen" It's like sending us to hell. Today, I am utterly disgusted by his doing during closing hour. Before today, he only called 1 nearby shop so we can send our leftovers sandwiches to them, today he called 2!!! that makes 3 closing people with 2 sending sandwiches for him to other shop while there is only 1 person closing. Why sending sandwiches to other branches? He claims that the waste levels are high!! I don't give a damn!! Cutting waste levels is only making his pocket fatter!!

My shop, 3 of 4 managers are ££ signed in their eyes and mind and everything. Short of staff, lack of communication between themselves, manipulating workers like slaves, ops manager ordering workers like dogs to do anything he wants, in the end we get screwed if our performance is not as good causing by too much work to be done, etc.

So much for that, I just slowly realized that the workers who work here are mostly stupid as well. Letting them do whatever they want then stabbing them at the back saying this and that. They just don't know their entitlements and rights as employees in this company and they don't give a shit about it.

Now I realize education in business area makes me think more advance than others, especially in management.

I am NOT gonna let him do like what he does to others. I am gonna be rebellious as long as he doesn't respect and appreciate me sincerely as his subordinate because that is my way of thinking and I am gonna stick to it!

~~~Gonna face him again in the office again for today's fiasco.~~~ See what's gonna happen.... He claims it's about my attitude. Go bloody look himself in the mirror godammit!! Go ask my colleagues how is my attitude!!! _)&@#@#&*&(*_)+_)*^%%$#$@(

I am extremely lonely

It's not a joke, it's not just a temporary feeling. I feel like this most of the time. I felt more lonely before shower just now as I watched an episode of Scrubs on E4. JD is so lonely that only him who doesn't have a girlfriend while other colleagues do have a partner but they screwed up their relationship. He was so furious that he scold everyone and ran out. Scrubs is meant to be a comedy but this episode really don't make me laugh. In the end of the episode, he said that no matter how many people around you everyday but you still feel lonely, that is the worst thing.

I feel it totally. Especially in this "World's Greatest City to Live In". I feel the loneliness growing in me as days passed by even though my relation with colleagues grow more closer. In fact nearly every of my colleagues are married or at least having a partner. When I go to the park, or just a simple walk around, I realized that I am the only one walking by myself most of the time. For the past weekends, I went out all by myself with my camera, to bring my readers great spring in London. Actually I am just so lonely, depressed and bored that I really need something for me to do, enjoy and cheer myself up. Some people might ask me to go clubbing for some socialization, but that's not me at all going to the clubs alone and start talking to anonymous people and start boozing like the rest and in the end get drunk. I tell you what, I talk to anonymous customers every single day at my work. I talk to my colleagues every single day at work. But I still feel extremely lonely.

The lady who lives next room haven't sleep as well. She's Burmese. Recent cyclone had made her worried about her family back in Burma. I totally feel her but I can't do anything. Sleepless night again for her... how about me tonight? Am I going to sleep well?

As loneliness grows within me... I am still waiting for her. Does she know that?

I am extremely lonely.

I Want My Own Flat!!!!

URGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had enough!!!!!!!!!!!

I am SO SO SO PISSED OFF!! Living here for 4 months really test my patience to the limit! I don't care anymore I'm gonna write about it here. I don't care if anyone in my household is gonna read or whatever....

I got 2 flatmates, a woman in the 50s and a friend from Sibu (unfortunately). The woman in the 50s has less problems when compare to the guy who is same age as me. The lady has the en-suit master room, which means having it's own bathroom, for me, unfortunately I need to share with a person who's lazy that there's no tomorrow for him. For those who I chat always, you know how he does things. Never wash bathroom, never clean kitchen, only tidy up his room when he got mood and that's like he hasn't even tidy once since he move in at mid December. I admit that I don't vacuum my room floor that often as well, but at least I throw my rubbish into the bin and keep my room as tidy as possible.

So much for that.

Today, he pissed me off again. Well, he cooked food in the oven, I know it's him as he use my aluminum foil, and left his food in the oven again. I don't care if he is sick or whatever (he is sick now) just bloody take the food out from the oven!!! He's gonna say "oh.. I still want to eat it..." So i don't even bother to ask. He's not gonna clean the oven tray nor gonna clean the dirty oven. Again, I was cleaning it just now, before I use. He never throw rubbish, maybe once.. or twice? since we moved in during December.. After he cook, me or the lady need to throw it for him. When the lady ask him to throw, he's like... "oh..." then at night or next morning, the lady throw. Is he unconscious when someone is talking to him? or Deaf? or just plain fucking lazy? I don't believe that he forget things easily... he passed his professional accounting course already!!! and got a bloody damn accounting job!!! and his life is like those who never had any education.

Bathroom, he wet the floor again!! Bloody hell!! )*^^%@#$$% I was telling him so many times that he felt annoyed and scold me... and say... "I KNOW I KNOW!!!!!" and as usual, he never knows. I gave up washing the bathroom already.

Few weeks ago, he had diarrhea, so you can imagine the toilet bowl. I left a message for him asking him to clean, very politely, as previous night I just cleaned HIS SHIT which stuck on the toilet bowl and unfortunately SEAT & COVER!!! He replied my message, left on my table: "ok ok.. I wash I wash... This is NOT your private bathroom." I was like.... MOTHERFUCKER!!!! THIS IS NOT YOUR BLOODY FUCKING PRIVATE BATHROOM AS WELL!!!!!!! YOU NEVER WASH THIS BLOODY BATHROOM AND NOW YOU'RE SAYING SOME SHIT LIKE THIS!

GO TO HELL!!!!!!!!!

Every time I wash the bathroom, it's like 3 weeks once as I never gave up hope waiting for him to wash. In the end, I'm gonna scrub the bloody black bath tub which I dunno if he's wanking or shitting inside. PISS ME OFF!!! I once let him see, he was like, "EEE... what's that?" I told him it's the result of washing once every 3 weeks... then he walk away saying nothing. After I wash, I tell him, oh, next week is your turn as I wash this week. He'll reply "so u wash then feel unhappy yea!?!?!? nobody ask you to care that much!! YEA YEA YEA I wash next week." After 3 weeks, it all happen again.

Well, tomorrow the landlord is gonna come with some actuarial who is gonna make property valuation. I warned him already yesterday telling him that the landlord is coming Friday. He's like:"oh.. but I'm not in then how?!!?" I tell him its fine just letting you know. Then tomorrow the landlord is gonna see his pig stall. I'm gonna open his room door before going to work tomorrow to see the situation. I bet the landlord is gonna faint.

Now he is sick, the lady is starting to get sick as well today... bloody hell... I don't wanna get sick!!

I WANT MY OWN FLAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I CAN'T SLEEP!!!!!

For the second consecutive days in a row, I can't sleep! My stomach feels horrible and I can't sleep! But stomach doesn't matter at all, I just don't have any feeling of sleeping! I went to bed 3 hours ago and now I'm here typing this post. 40 minutes ago, there were 4 black people outside switching music like crazy in their car and singing and dancing like mad people... 3am... Then people from upstairs pour water.... LOL~~~ Are they high on drugs or what....

Anyway... I feel horrible now.... start to feel sleepy again and I hope I can sleep... damn!!!

Valentine's Day???

Yeah... right... Happy Valentines Day...

Special Day

So what's so special about today for me? (I mean yesterday 27/12). Well, aunt Lucy, Uncle Stephen, cousin Stephanie and Alex came here to stay. Now we got Aunt Wendy, Aunt Lucy and Aunt Anne in the house. Family reunion eh. It's been long since I seen my cousins though. Quite happy to see them again after all these years.

Anyway, I'll be going back to London in like 8 hours time. Now I'm not sure of going back to London or stay one more day here as it's at my own choice. Decisions decisions. I don't know...

well, gonna chat with them a little then sleeping soon... It's been months since I had so many familiar people around me...

I am Pressured!!

Why? Because of something really serious!! I am very frustrated as well now.... Seems like I'm really on my own now and I need to think of ways and pray hard.... I really need to hang on and hope for the best and do my best... I'm going for it.... I am going for it.... no turning back anymore.... no way back.... I hope I can find someone in the next 2 days.... seriously... 

First day of December

It's the first day of December and I'm having a bad day.... (again complaining in my blog...)

Well, basically, today Oxford Street and Regent Street is closed for transport, so there are only people walking around and lots of activities going on for the whole afternoon.... yet... I was stuck in the stupid shop for whole day..... bloody manager.... and i missed whole day's event...

my schedule today is 11am until 7pm, but Mark the damn assistant manager who is staying with us today told us that the shop will be closing at 7pm... So, is he trying to make a fool out of us? we usually took at least 1 hour to finish close the shop!!! when i asked him about it, he can't answer me at all then walked away... shame on him.... 

but, luckily and unluckily I am sick since few days ago... today gone worse... then i tell him that i'm going home at 7pm in any way as I'm really sick.

When at work, I had my break like 5 hours after start!!! Imagine standing at the counter for 5 hours with customers queuing up non stop since noon!!! i'm like half dead when on break... 

What a day... sick, tired, missed whole day's event.... going home now... 

Another Friday evening....

A week past and I haven't been writing anything here....

I'm now sitting in a 24 hour cyber cafe at Tottenham Court Road as I have no keys to go into the house again... haha...

This week at work... overtime again today as I'm only closing with Guilherme, usually 3 person. Yesterday overtime as well as the whole shop is a mess I don't know why... and there was a lady with her hand bag stolen with passport inside... gee... feeling so bad for her though... she keep crying as her husband is trying to sort things out for her....

Something I feel after working for nearly 2 months in the shop... English people sucks sometimes... they complain a lot... eat like babies... (we have to clean the damn floor full of food on de floor every evening)... everyday eating sandwiches only... I don't understand... and some customer's face is like shit... gee...

nah... finish with the complaints.... I really have nothing to write now... I got tonnes to update but I can't!!!!


I WANT INTERNET ACCESS AT HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F*CK!!!!!!

Lousy Day....

Ah... A complain blog post again... 

Well... it's just another bad day for me since I start working.... the team leader trainer is just picking on me every time... I was not taught how to do some stuff but she insist she did and say i'm not following instructions and such.... And she say that I'm playing with her... Bloody Brazilian trainer!!! 

Another one is, I didn't get any instructions in some of the daily routine tasks ever before but she insist that she did told me before... again... Bloody Brazilian trainer!!!

Arh... and Guilherme is not working today suddenly... Closing with that Polish guy today... He's never friendly.... and rude... Bloody Polish.... like they say.... 

Haha.... I feel better after complaining... hope i'll have a better night tonight compare to last night.... geeee..... last night really is.... i don't know how to explain.... 

Am I hurt?

Ah.. what a title... 

I just felt hurt when someone treat me like that. I really don't know how to describe the whole thing. I guess I need to let go of everything especially relationship stuff... friendship... love... everything... I just think that I care about relationship too much and in the end, I get nothing and only get hurt. Since young, friends betray me, used me for something for themselves, etc. And I really can't trust people too much sometimes, feeling that they will betray me or cheat me... 

That's me.. being hurt again... Imagine a guy getting hurt always on relationship stuff.. haha... such a joke!! 

Anyway, last thing I wanna say is that I cancelled my plans already to go back to Sunderland this Christmas.

I had a dream.....

It was a very happy dream... yet I was so sad when I woke up from that dream.... as it's just happen in my dream but not in reality.... 2 days continuously.... story in my dream continue last night from the previous day.... I felt like crying when I woke up.... I felt unhappy for the whole day when I work today... every colleague realized that I look tired. I told Guilherme, my closest colleague, about my dream and the story behind.... 

I wonder if it is going to come true soon in the nearest future.... 

The dream, is about a girl.... 

Written @ 

Apple Store, Regent Street. 

What I feel now....

It's been a month since I moved here.

I lived alone during my final 2 weeks before moving out from Sunderland. I can do whatever I want that nobody cares. I can go out whenever I want. I can do my own stuff whenever I want.

My life now is better. Aunt taking care of my dinner. Having proper food. Got nice place to shower. Got internet for free. Got TV to watch. Spending nil for all those while getting cash to spend if going out. but, I just can't take it easy on myself when I stay here. I feel pressured sometimes as I'm living in someone's place. My lifestyle is different. I have my own ways in some daily chores, tasks, habits and etc. I felt that I can't do anything wrong as I felt that if I did, I'll be in trouble. I'm thinking that, am I sitting in front of my laptop everyday making them saying stuff about me? I just have no motive and bored that's all. There's not really anything that I can do here really interest me. Those that I'm interested in, I don't dare to do it. Maybe others in the house are thinking why I don't wanna sleep earlier, staying up till late and sleep till nearly noon every morning... one reason: I feel more free to do things when everyone went to bed. At least I don't feel someone is looking at me doing things.

I felt lonely as well. I can't tell anyone how I really felt. I have nobody to talk about my feelings in my life. Relationships... myself... my future... my plans... my dreams... and nobody who comes online in MSN everyday can fully understand my feelings. I'm independent, but at times, I need someone to talk to. All my friends who has same interest as mine doesn't come online anymore nowadays. I don't know where are they, what are they doing. Maybe I really need to transform myself into lone ranger after all... like Dr. Suresh in Heroes... pursuing his own dreams alone while nobody listens to him...

Some of the things... I can't let go even I already tried... Others are telling me that I'm too bored, I'm lonely and etc. and that's why I think too much. Since I graduated, I achieved nothing useful. Only some toys like that roller coaster... I failed to complete the second one with my own plans.

I never really felt happy since I moved out from Sunderland. Maybe few times... like, when I helped my friend to solve some computer problems... when I done the roller coaster and compiled the video... I got some positive feedbacks from my interview... when granny says that the food that I cooked is nice... when my blog traffic increased a bit... when I finally changed the sidebar colour of my blog that I tried for 2 days... when I get great comments from readers...

Seems like I got happy times too since moved out huh... There are important things that makes me happy as well... seeing someone's smile... seeing the special someone come struggling me with troublesome problems... Opening an envelope and see someone writing to me that they know me quite well...

After all those babbling and moaning.. I feel better. I'm just bored and lonely thats all. Ready to face new challenges anytime!!

Leaving for London again this Saturday to see my friend, to join a festival, and most importantly, get my misc things done, and my visa done next Tuesday.

Feel like wanna chat with my brother though...

Blogging feelings

For the past 6 months blogging here, I'd post around 140 posts. Wondering why am I blogging, what is the purpose of blogging.

Before starting my blog here, I write some posts in Friendster blog to share my life experiences with my friends, then after I read more and more blogs, I decide to change to Blogger for more functions. Using the same title, I started blogging here since end of February.

At first, only friends were reading what I posted, then since I attached a counter in my blog, I realized that the numbers were growing at snail pace. I decided to spread more words about my blog, then learn online on how to attract more readers and so on. Numbers of readers increased bit by bit, then I tried put on advertisements, like other blogs. After some weeks, I just realized that the advertisements are just for decorations as it generates me nothing.

At times I feel like I got so much to say as I experienced a lot, but I felt quite lazy to write more than one post, but sometimes, like today, I just don't have anything to write about, as I'm stuck at home and achieved nothing!! Not even making the new roller coaster functioning!! *sob*

Anyway, thanks for reading my crapping if you manage to read until this point. I don't know what am i writing up there.. -.-"